My Journey 6/21/10

   Good news comes in small packages.  I mean that in all sincerity.  Over the last 3 weeks i have gone through a Bronchoscopy and got a needle biopsy of a lymphnode just above my lungs.  The results came back negative.  Good news to here a good result.

   Unfortunately it was a little bit short lived.  I say that in the sense that there is still that spot that showed up on the PET scan.  Discussed with my doctors, we believe a better biopsy sample is in order.  So tuesday the 29, im going in for a Mediastinoscopy.  This is where they make an inch or two incision where people would have a tracheotomy, go through my wind pipe to the area where it splits into each lung.  The sample will be taken on my right side. It is located in between blood vessels and lots of nerves.  The risks include hitting a blood vessel and bleeding out which means opening my chest to stop the bleeding.  Pretty harsh for sure.  There is also the possibility of loosing some of my voice as there is a lot of nerves that contribute to my larynx.  The biopsy isn't 100%, but should give enough info on what the hot spot is and what the plan of action is going to be next.  Heres the kicker, I am hoping that the result comes back negative or another type of cancer.  If it comes back as Hodgkin's, the potentiality of a bone marrow transplant is very much a reality!  

   I get asked frequently on how im doing.  Hows my health?  Frankly im feeling really good and feel like im getting stronger by the day.  Other than no work, Im probably the happiest that I have ever been.  My relationship with Erika is amazing, Rayna and Kalina are two amazing kids, and moving into a sweet house on Baldy.  My life is pretty simple right now.  I work 3 mornings a week at the golf course, a fun new spine to skate in Frisco and doing a little Pine Beetle mitigation as it comes along.  Doing a bit of that at my parents house also as half of their trees are dead.  But being outside is very therapeutic and at the end of the day, just trying to stay active and just enjoy myself and summer.              

My Journey 6/9/10

   Yesterday was the culmination of anxiety and fear.  I went to St. Anthony's Central for a procedure called a Bronchoscopy.  The doctor and nurse numbed my nose and sinuses and put a small tube through my nostrils, into my respiratory tract and into my lungs.  They took a biopsy of my lungs and also a biopsy of the spot in my PET Scan in my chest.  I didn't feel a thing!  Granted they numbed my throat, and gave me a little Michael Jackson juice.  I even watched part of the procedure on their TV.  Little bit of a trip!  This is why I like modern medicine.  Some of the stuff they do is very fascinating.  I really felt this was non-invasive.  Dont get me wrong, I had a tube shoved into my nose and then into my lungs.  But with no pain, does it matter?  The Biopsy the doctors took in November was invasive.  A big ol' needle shoved into my right side.  And I was awake for that only under local anesthesia.  That Sucked!  I guess what im trying to say is the fear and anxiety that we experience due to the unknown can some times be unbearable.  Only after you look at the experience in hindsight, you wonder why you were so afraid...

   Went to a friends going away party at the lodge and spa and was talking to a friend and acquaintances about my Hodgkin's.  Went through the "how are you feeling", "fill me in on what's happing" questions which I dont mind.  Its actually a little therapeutic.  The conversation led to the heavy topic of Death.  One of the things that you go through is the uncanny fight with ones ego and everything that goes along with feeling ill.  For the record, I have never thought about giving up or suicide for that matter.  But I do understand why some one would want to do that.  I have too many things I want to do and places to go.  Golf to play, jet fuel to burn, but most important love to give to my family and friends.  To me, its obvious that my will to live is much greater than my will to die.  It has motivated me to get some of my life's loose ends tied up.  Regular and living Wills.  Probably just do it through Legal Zoom.  I've had a lot of soul searching time and have lost a lot of friends over the years to snowboarding, driving and drugs accidents.  Not having a clear vision after you cant make decisions is very irresponsible.  Not so much to myself, but to my family!

 I haven't gotten my results back from the lab yet as they should come at any time.  I have a pretty good idea on what is going to be the out come and im cool with it.  My fingers are crossed that it is just an abnormality or anomaly.  But I cant guarantee.  I can only go on my gut feeling.      

So I write this while waiting at a fork in the road.  Im not afraid, no mater what the result, I am prepared and ready to fight!                      

My Journey 6/4/10

   So it's been a little bit over a month since I wrote and got every one caught up.  I also wanted to say thank you for everyone's support the past 7 months.  I have been very fortunate that things have been going pretty good.  My last treatment was on April 29th and been taking it easy while enjoying my time after twelve rounds of Chemotherapy.  I went to Steamboat that first weekend with my parents, Erika and the girls and Erika's mom.  Went swimming and went up to Strawberry Hot Springs.  If you've never been there, I highly suggest that you check it out.  Played 9 holes at a course that my friend Ryan works at.  But really just spent the first week from chemo having fun and enjoying myself.  Five days of sleeping in, eating, swimming and laughing.  Erika's girls are ten and twelve and just funny as hell.     

   The next weekend went to Santa Barbara and hung out with my good friend CJ.  Played two rounds of golf.  Rancho San Marcos and La Pursima.  Both courses are absolutely amazing.  Ranchos greens were rolling around a 10-11 and La Pursima is getting there course ready for The Impossible.  The rough was brutal and cost me at least 4 strokes.  The weather could have been a little bit better, but i was just happy for a little scenery change.  I forgot how much that humidity really penetrates.  It was good to hang out with both my friends. 
   I played in a golf scramble that benefited the Little Red School House yesterday.  My Father, Uncle Deno and Andy was the team.  We tied for second shooting 13 under.  Super fun!  We played really well.  Made me want to take my golf game a little more serious.        
   I had scheduled my third PET scan on June 1st.  Needless to say, I have been waiting to hear the results from that scan.  I got a call from my oncologist last night and got the results.  There is what looks like a hot spot in my upper right chest that is most likely a infected lymph node. 

   It didn't show on the second scan, but did on the third one (the arrow is pointed to the issue).  the other dark spots is my bottom of my brain, heart, kidneys, bladder, and testies).  I am scheduled to have a biopsy on Tuesday, then we will be able to see what needs to happen next.  Worse case scenario might be a bone marrow transplant. Yea, fuck that!  The good news is there has been a hugh reduction in the amount and size of the active cells.  Im also waiting to get all three scan results to send to a distant relative and a specialist (on my sister-in-laws side) to Sao Paulo Brazil.  Time for a second opinion!  I think my Oncologist has done a good job, but I want a second and third set of eyes to look it over.
   Its safe to say that the last 24 hours has been pretty heavy.  But it doesn't compare to the last month of hanging out with my friends and family.  So thats where thats at.  Im feeling good other than this small set back.  Ill keep you posted!