My Journey 12/15/10

Anxiety! Every one encounters it! Everyone feels it. Some times it rears its ugly head during trivial times. Some times it hardly shows itself during the most trying struggles! Recently, anxiety didn't show its self until the day before my PET Scan. Its weird being the one inside the box, almost like the senses are dulled. I felt good going into this scan and have had a positive look feeling like im in remission. But that little voice in the back of your head that made it hard to be 100%. I think its natural to have some doubt. That little bit of doubt reminds me of the reality of living with cancer in remission. Each scan is going to be difficult and trying emotionally. But im confidant that we got this bastard! Right now the schedule for PET scans over the next two years is every four months.

The preverbal weight was lifted when I got a glimpse of my scan moments after we finished it. But had to wait for confirmation from my oncologist! Oddly enough I have a good idea what to look for on those scans. Im no expert, but I didn't see the hotspots!

The other great thing is I have been getting on the hill a bit. Trying to go up first thing in the morning for an hour. It feels good to make some turns and been doing a little exploring too. I have been feeling strong and working on my endurance. It seems to me that being on snow is the cleanest atmosphere to be in. Besides it sure feels good to be riding again especially since I didn't think I would be riding for a couple more months...

I have been keeping myself busy starting to get my life organized. Since I haven't been able to do anything since transplant, but i've been getting to know quickbooks. Pretty cool program. I think my taxes are going to be done before the end of the year! Thats a first!

As financially unstable as my life is right now, I'm probably the happiest I have ever been. Shreding in the morning, a little work in the afternoon. If I could keep it going like this for the next while.........

My Journey 11/14/10

This has been a good and sobering week. The tenth was one year since I was diagnosed. Since that point I figured I would put the tally together of the treatment and procedures that I've undergone.

12 rounds of ABVD chemotherapy (three hours each)
1 Bronchoscopy
1 Mediastinoscopy
2 rounds of ICE chemotherapy (three days each)
4 PET scans
Apheresis (stem-cell harvest)
1 round of BEAM chemotherapy (six days)
1 Autologous Stem-cell Transplant
Shit load of blood tests (CBC)

The last CBC on the 4th showed that my counts were all back with in normal range. The doctors are very happy with the results thus far, but I'll feel better when the results come back from my next PET scan on December fourteenth. I went throughout a lot of treatments in the last year. I guess it's only a little natural that I'm a bit nervous. Don't get me wrong, confidence is high that I got this beat. But there is a little lingering in the back of my head what if... I'm coming to the conclusion that I am a survivor learning to live in remission. I'm fortunate that my body was strong going into this battle. November eleventh was day +45 since transplant. It also represents a lift of my diet restrictions. I think sushi is in order!

November ninth marked the third anniversary on my first date with Erika. We celebrated by going to Burke and Reliys. Cheesy hua, well it was where our first date was at.

My Journey 10/26/10

I got sprung!  Not really, but the doctors gave me the ok to come home.  I spent five days at Brent's Place.  Its about five blocks from PSL.  Went in on monday and had my blood drawn for testing.  Went back in on Wednesday for more labs.  I got my results on back from the Monday labs and sure enough, my counts have come up so much that the doctors thought it would be a good idea that I come home and see how I cope.  So wednesday evening I came home.  I've been holding off on writing for a couple reason.  One, I wanted to see how I felt being at home in altitude.  And two, I need to be carful being around anyone being flu season and all.  So far so good.

Let me tell you how nice it is on sleeping in my own bed!  Aside from sleeping really well, being home has felt really good.  It took a little bit of getting use to not having to get up every four hours to have my vitals checked, blood draws done at midnight, peeing in a urinal, being attached to an IV pump 24 hours a day (I called it my pump buddy).  Last night I had one of the best night sleeps in a long time.  Without any drugs!  I cant explain or recommend just how important it is to get a good night sleep when you are recovering.  But I guess anything is better than sleeping in a hospital bed for a month.  The altitude definitely makes me want to take more naps but thats ok.  My body just went through hell.  Its going to take some time to recover.  I did a little test friday night to see just what kind of road im going to have in front of me.  I hauled up about eight five gallon water bottles up the stares and that pretty much did me in.  I have no strength, endurance, or stamina.  Ill be honest, it was a little disheartening.  But I have to keep reminding my self that I just went through a transplant.  Tomorrow will be day +28, 4 weeks ago.  Not a long time.  Its going to be a long road for sure.  I guess what im saying is that im trying to be as patient as I can.  Going off how im feeling at this moment, I feel pretty good.

Having a couple days to reflect on the hospital experience has been a bit overwhelming.  Its seems like it has gone by relativity quick.  Its been emotional.  Its been surreal.  I feel so fortunate for so many things at this moment that its hard to not be grateful for everything in my life.  It hasn't been easy up to this point, and I dont expect it to be easy from here on out...  

My Journey 10/18/10

Sorry for the delay on the haps since the last entry. It has been an emotional roller coaster. From watching my counts fluctuate up and down, to getting a little bug while my counts were at zero, to going out side for the first time in two and a half weeks. The month in the hospital was heavy! My appreciation for just about everything has been overwhelming. With that said, I want to say thank you to everyone that stopped by. That helped make the time seem to go by much faster.

Walking out of the hospital after being in there for a month made me realize just how much we take the little things for granted. Fresh air, breeze, sun, the sound of the trees, birds exc... But along with the good, theres the bad, the noise of traffic, cigarette smoke, sirens. I could go on and on about both sides. For the most part, we don't think of these things since our senses have adapted to these every day occurrences. I'm sure it's all well documented sociological behavior, but unless you go through a period of time away from the natural and unnatural surroundings, describing initial feelings is almost impossible.

I thought you'd get a kick out of this... My mom and I went to the store Friday night to get some provisions for my recovery stay at Brents Place. Part of going out is having to wear a face mask and gloves. Went to Safeway at Cherry Creek since it's pretty close to the apartment and I wanted to go for a little drive. Walking around the store, I would catch the other patrons turn around when they would see me and move to the next isle. I'm bald for the first time in my life, wearing a mask and gloves. They probably think I'm sick (which I am, just not what they think) and don't want what I got. The reality of it is that I don't want to catch their bugs. Precautions for me. The cool thing about is I pretty much got the hole store to myself. Hahahahaha. Cracks me up...

So I'm stoked that I'm out of the hospital! Im stoked that Erika is with me for the next couple days! And I'm thrilled to feel alive! Each day is getting better and better.....

My Journey 10/7/10

Yesterdays daily conversation with my doctor helped me understand some inner working of the human body and help quell a little anxiety that I was having due to a fluctuating blood counts.  Tuesday we saw a n increase in my ANC count (neutropenic count) to 20.  Its a small number, but was excited to see it go up.  I was like sweet!  Its working.  My counts came back on wednesday showing a 0.  Despondent is a good word, and throw a restless night sleep in there...  Thursdays Numbers cam back and there was a there was a two fold increase in the numbers all around.  I asked Mark my doctor.  What dies this mean?  Is this normal?  Cause this roller coaster sucks!  He said yes and that this is a good sign.  What happens is the new stem=cells are doing what there suppose to do.  They are starting to make new cells.  The new cells get released into the blood stream and are getting taken up my the organs and tissue to start repairing it from all the chemo, bruising and even any bugs that go on while your bottomed out.  Thats the reason for the roller coaster.  Mark explained that while Erika, Nic Drago and Jackie Nelson were visiting.  Of course, Drago had to Facebook it immediately!  Hahahahaha...  It was good for Erika to hear it from the horses mouth.  For me, it was a sigh of relief and now understand my body a little bit better on how it works.

At this point its a waiting game.  My counts are slowly moving up.  Hopefully hit overdrive in the next couple days.  Once my counts go above 1000, I wont be considered neutropenic and may be released to a halfway house a few blocks from the hospital.  Going to guess next week some time.  Ill throw out a guess, the 14th.   Thats a week from today.  I feel really optimistic!      

My Journey 9/29/10

9/27/10 - A Rebirth...

There is something to say about watching your life move through tubes and syringes.  Monday was my Stem-cell transplant.  The culmination of all the treatments, hospital stays, IV's, doctor visits, name bands, paperwork and stress all came down to a one hour period of time.  There was a huge out pour of emotion and tears were shed.

9/29/10

After two nights of sleeping like hell, woke up to Erika having to head home to work and deal with reality. I didn't want her to leave but she needs to get home.  I knew she was headed up the hill today.  It been nice having her around lately...

Fatigue is starting to set in and looking the side effects are creeping up.  Its interesting to see and feel ones body tweak out from the procedure.  My body is going "what the fuck did you just do to me?"  There are two things that I am going to concentrate on for the next two to three weeks.  nutrition and exercise.  I need to feed those new cells and I need to get them oxygen too.

All the doctors think that im doing great and im going to do everything in my power to expedite my recovery.  Im not neutropenic yet, at that will change by tomorrow (neutropenic means that my body is at its most susceptible to infection).  I got a hall pass to go out side for a short moment so definitely going to be taking advantage of that.   So now its about hanging out and letting my body do its thing.

In august, I met up with a gentleman named Devon O'neal who has been doing freelance writing around summit county.  Nic Drago mentioned to him that we should do an article for ESPN.  Well yesterday the article ran and I've been getting a bunch of good response from it all.  Click here to check it out.  I want to thank Brad Steward, Jeff Curtes, Gary Land, Justin Hostynek, Frank Wells, Todd Richards, my brother Chris, Mom and Dad, and Erika, Rayna and Kalina for helping me get it done.        

 

My journey 9/2610 - day -1

So I am disconnected from my pump buddy which is nice for a change. Get to come and go as I please on the third floor here at St. Lukes. I thought I would try out this I phone app to try a blog update. I'm sitting on the spin bike listening to Gwar. Oh yea! Gor Gor! Hahaha... Things are looking good and ready to move forward tomorrow. From what it sounds like, the transplant itself is only going to take less an hour. Erika's on her way and excited to see her. 

My Journey 9/22/10

   Let me back track a more than a week... Got a call from the infusion center at P/SL about the counts and how many stem-cells we harvested.  The doctors told me that we need a minimum of 2 million to do the transplant.  5 million is recommended and we harvested 9.4 million.  It takes 2-4 days for most people to get the recommended number of cells and I was able to do in in one sitting.  I was hooked up to that machine for 5 hours.  So I think that was great news and i didn't have to go back for another sitting.  Which was great.  I think that was the most surreal part of the process so far.  The noise was weird and watching my blood go through this machine and get processed is crazy.  Glad that I didn't have to do that again!

   Today is day six of chemo to kill off any of the white blood cells that have the lymphoma.  I have one half hour more of this of this and will get a day off on sunday, day before transplant.  Today is day -2.  it counts down that way until transplant day which is day 0.  Days after that are in +1, +2, and so on.  Its kind of like a rebirth in a sense.  I get to add another birthday in a weird way.  We'll call it my immune rebirth.  September 27th.  As the go on, I will be having a couple days of potential feeling the worst through this experience.  Due to my white cells dying and my stem-cells making new ones, I am going to guess that I am going to be feeling fatigue at its most.  Fortunately I got a spin bike to ride here in isolation and trying to get one or so hours on it a day.  The exercise is nice and motivating me to get my ass back in shape.  Which is good since being tied up to the pumps really limits my mobility.  That is going to be one of the keys on getting through this as fast as possible.  

   So day 0 approaches.  Im a bit scared.  Not about the procedure, but at this point I cant help but think of the what if's!  Confidence is high but there is just a lot to think about.  Will the grafting work?  The thoughts go through your head especially since confidence was so high after the first twelve rounds of chemo to kill it off.  Hodgkin's is a persistent bastard.  Is it cause for concern?  No!  I know im in good hands and everything that I have herd is the outcomes of this transplant are amazing.  Odds are very good!

  

  

        

My Journey 9/14/10

This is a trip!  I am hooked up to the machine that separates my stem-cells from my blood.  Its a centrifuge that is able to separate the different parts of my blood.  Frankly I dont really need to know any more about it than that.  

 Today is day -13 until transplant.  I have been having to check into Presbertian/St Lukes every morning since friday to get these shots called Nupegen.  It is similar to the Nulasta shots that I have been taking after each chemo round.  It also is a white blood cell booster, but this is short acting.  Where as the Nulasta works over a week or two period.  The shots ups all my blood cell levels to get ready for this beast.

   At the risk of sounding like a broken record, i've been trying to write down the things that I have felt like been milestones or significant mental challenges.  Today is one of them.  Watching my blood come out and cycled through this machine is doing two things.  One, realizing just how cool modern medicine is and two, just how fragile life can be.  Seeing my blood spin through this thing is surreal.  We are fortunate to be living in a time that we can treat these conditions.  This treatment wasn't here a generation ago.  Thats a scary thought in its self.  But reassuring also!  

   Needless to say im feeling a little drained right now.  Ill up date soon. 

My Journey 9/9/10

   So there's been quite a bit going on since my last update.  I had a tooth pulled on Aug. 25th.  Reason being I had a root canal done when I was 10 years old.  The tooth had a potential crack in it up by my jaw bone.  It was an upper tooth just left of my front two teeth.  For what ever reason, there was a little infection that had a small drain in my upper lip.  The infection had been going on for the last 20 or so years.  It never gave me any problem.  And we never say any decay in the tooth and jaw bone from the infection.  But since the transplant will bring my immune system more or less to zero, I cant afford to have a flair up cause of a bastard tooth.  So I had them do a bone graft also so I can have an implant latter down the road.  So im definitely a redneck now! hahahahah

   The following friday was my restaging testing.  I had another PET scan, a Echocardiogram (heart), Pulmonary (lung) test, Blood and Urine test and Bone Marrow Biopsy and A Bone sample.  The PET scan came back looking like really good. I am in remission which is where I need to be to move forward with the transplant.  Same with the Echo and Pulmonary tests.  Blood and Urine looked really good too.  Same with my Bone Marrow.  The funny part was the first needle that they used to take a Bone sample bent cause my bones are strong.  Must of been all the milk I drank growing up.  They got the core sample with a bigger needle.  It too cane back looking really good.  With my face swollen and walking with a little limp, it felt like I had been in a bar fight.  hahahahaah

   With all the news looking really good, all the doctors including my transplant doctor want to move forward without mobilization chemo.  Hell yea!  That means that I only have one more chemo to do and its the big one.  Immune Suppression chemo.  Tomorrow I start taking shots to stimulate my stem-cell growth.  Monday the 13th, I have my CVC catheter placed. and start harvesting later that afternoon.  Harvesting could take up to 3 days.  Well just hope for one.  Ill have a couple days off then on the 20th, ill check into Presbyterian/St Lukes (P/SL) for what will be about 2-3 weeks.  September 27th is D-day for the transplant.

   Im expecting to be hit pretty hard from the chemo.  And im feeling that the waiting around is worse than the actual procedures.  The anxiety and reality from the consent signing on tuesday has made the reality kick in pretty hard.  I've been so fortunate that I have gotten through all the treatment up to this point so well that it has felt surreal.  Dream like!  Signing all the papers has made me realize just how important it is to fight and push forward.  I know im going to be all right through all of this, but when discussion of your mortality is discussed, it hit pretty hard.  Im good and ready to tackle this bitch! Here we go!                            

My Journey 8/18/10

   Sorry for the delay everyone, Things have been a little hectic after I finished up my second round of ICE chemo.  A lot of good things are happening and moving forward.
The best thing that has happened in the last couple weeks is I am engaged!  Erika has been such an important person in dealing with my Hodgkin's that I dont want anyone else to take her from me. Hahahah, So I put a ring on her finger.

   So while I was in Lutheran Medical, August 5th was a really fun night with Michael and Jessica Bunchman doing their live cabaret " The truth About Love and the Usual Lies".  even though I was not able to be there in person, I was able to watch the event through Skype and say hey to everyone before the show started.  Technology is so awesome!  Thats how I v-chat with my brother in Brazil.  I had about a week of chemo hangover.  Its like your in a fog and everything happens really slow.  But got out side the following Thursday and played a round of golf with Frank Wells, Neil Burton, and friend Jake.  I lost a couple bucks so I bought the boys lunch.  What do you expect when you haven't swung a club for a month or so.  Shot a 102 from the tips.  Thats not so bad considering...  The rest of the time I have been filling out application forms for assistance.  Its amazing just how much paperwork there is for all of this!  There has to be a simpler way!  I understand there has to be some due diligence on my part, but come on, this shit is getting monotonous.  Hmmmm...  So with any luck ill have some help with my insurance premium.  One other thing, I go to Denver on August 27th to start my Restaging.  Its a battery of tests that include another PET scan, Echocardiogram, Pulmonary tests, x-rays, CT scan of my sinuses, labs, EKG, and a bone marrow biopsy.  I get this shit done in one day!  I dont have time to fuck around!  Hahahahah.  The CV or Hickman Catheter will be placed the next week and shortly after that, we start harvesting my own Stem-cells.  Pretty crazy but pretty cool too.  Ill be updating through that hole process as I have about a month of hospital time and a month of out-patient care in isolation.  I'll also have my i-cam to v-chat with friends and family through out.      

   The other thing that I have been working on is a Non Profit to help people that are newly diagnosed with Lymphoma and Leukemia about what to expect through there treatment.  The only person I really talked to was Marty from Marty's Kids here in Breckenridge. And all he said was there are going to be times that you aren't going to want to get out of bed.  But you have to give your self a pep talk and make your self get out of bed and get outside.  And he was right!  But I want to take it a couple steps further... I want to physically talk to young adults and motivate them into a mindset that this experience is a small bump in the road, but to fight it like you have nothing to loose!  Getting involved with Oncologists and Cancer Treatment Centers, and also paying visits to Oncology departments at hospitals.  Using my connections in the Action Sports industry to raise money to help take care of those new patients.  Using them also will help put together a network of survivors that can help spread the vision and mentality.  I'm thinking about doing two things with the proceeds,  Some sort of financial assistance to help with insurance premiums, or by donating money to The Leukemia & Lymphomia Society and/or Lance Armstrong's LiveStrong foundation.  There is a lot of worthy causes to help, and a bunch of really good projects to accomplish doing it.

   So its called Guerra Project.  I'm Currently working on getting all the legal paperwork put together and filed correctly. And a website sorted to start with information and goals! Give me a couple days and ill have a website up and running....  If you have any questions, let me know.  Im still putting together the mission statement and business plan.  Thats what's been keeping me occupied and not updating.  For those of you who dont know what Guerra means, it's translation is WAR in Spanish and Portuguese.  And Guerra Project has become my war on cancer.  Its really just a state of mind.  But its not just a mind set to beating cancer, but a way to approach life's challenges in general.  Thats where im at! Hang tight as there will be more info on Guerra Project shortly....                    
  

My journey 8/6/10

8/2/10

A little glimmer of good news today. My blood counts are up and looking really good.  I thought that after a three day infusion that they would be much lower.  So that is good.  Also I have been feeling good and ready to get on with this process.  I go into tomorrow to have the second round of intense chemo.  That will be a three day infusion of ICE.  One other thing, im going to Lutheran hospital instead of St Anthonys.  I guess one hospital has the Chemo in stock and the other doesn't.  Change is good.  Its off of 38th and Kipling for those who want to know...

8/6/10

I've been getting asked about the time line for the stemcell transplant.  There is a lot of stuff to it.  But here it is in a nut shell.

3 weeks from now I go through a shit load of testing.  Blood, Heart, Lungs, Bone Marrow biopsy, you name it.  Just to see where I stand physically.  I should be good to go after this current round of chemo by that point. 1 week after that I will have the catheter put in (a Hickman or Girshon) into my chest, at the point I will have my stem-cells harvested. Once we have enough Stem-cells, 2-3 days, I go through a week of chemo to hopefully kill the last of the bad Hodgkin's cells, then a week or so of recovery and then the transplant.  Im potentially going to be in the hospital for 3 weeks.  Then outpatient isolation for 1-2 months.  Maybe longer depending on how my body feels and how recovery goes.

The PICC line in my arm is coming out tomorrow after all the chemo and meds are done.  Looking forward to that.  That thing has been a pain in the ass.  But very convenient as well.

Defiantly starting to feel the effects of the chemo.  Tired and fatigued.  Been getting rest.  Looking froward to getting home and feeling comfortable.  I gotten quite a few things done while i've been here.  Ill fill you all in about that down there road...

    

My Journey 7/23/10

As you can imagine the emotions that come along with sickness.  Battling Hodgkin's has proved to me that when faced with a mountain of adversity, being persistent and the willingness to fight has been the the mental key to moving forward.

   Over the last week, stress, the unknown, even a little depression has finally come to fruition.   I talked with my doctor today about going on some anti anxiety meds to help deal with all of this.  For a while, I was able to smoke weed to help with the anxiety.  But I'm not able to smoke due to the fungus that is in Marijuana.  For the most part, it doesn't cause any ill side effects.  But with my weaken immune system, I cant afford to have that fungus catch hold.  I hate medication and for the record never been into pills.  Especially painkillers.  For the first time, I'm thinking about taking anti-anxiety meds.  I cant believe it... even the thought of it scares me.  But I want something to take the edge off. Add to the stress my family is undergoing, its no wonder why cancer is so encompassing.  I wonder if the doctor can do a group deal on anti-anxiety and depression meds?  hahahaha

   This is how unbelievably awesome my community is, Michael Bunchman is a guy that I have known since birth.  (I grew up with his older sister Leslie. K-12)  Michael and his wife, Jessica Medoff Bunchman, are performing an original cabaret "The Truth About Love".  I have yet to see them perform, but all I hear is how amazing they both are.  This is something that brings me to tears!  I feel so overwhelming grateful that they are doing this in my honor.  I love my community I grew up in. That's what I see in Breckenridge!
Check out there web site, Medoffbunchman.com its going to be a great night with a fun reception afterwords.  Its august 5th at the new CMC auditorium.  Make it if you can.  I'm hoping  to make it, but not sure if I can be around that many people at once.  Michael and Jessica, Thank You.              

   I'm going into the Frisco hospital for what's called a CBC in about a half hour.  Its a blood test to see where my white and red blood cells levels are at.  I have to have this done to to see where I stand on getting the next round of chemo done.  Which is scheduled for next Tuesday.   I feel good, so I'm moving forward!

My Journey 7/8/10

   I received the results from the Mediastinoscopy on Tuesday (July 6th).  And the results that came back are conclusive!  My Hodgkin's is reoccurring.  A definite blow!  So yesterday I had an appointment with a bone marrow and stem cell transplant specialist at Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers in Denver.  Dr. Brunvand studied in Seattle and coincidently we both graduated from Summit High School in Frisco.  A very smart man and knows his job very well.  Small world... and I feel really good about that!   

So now the fun begins...

   Tuesday I go to the hospital to start preparing my body for a Stem Cell Transplant.  I begin with two rounds of intense chemo therapy.  Each round, i'll be at the hospital for about three days.  The goal of this is to get the lymphoma into remission.  That should take about three weeks starting Tuesday.  Once in remission, I'll go through a battery of tests and re-evaluated.  Its called restaging.  I will also be going through a Pre-transplant Evaluation which is another battery of tests and biopsies.  Insane hua!  Im still wrapping my head around this...  I will have a CVC placed and the rest of the procedures will be done through that.  I will  have to wear it for 6 months.  The transplant should happen about two months from now. Got that!  Its honestly giving me a headache.

Click on Autologous Transplant if you want to enlighten yourself about my procedure.

   So its safe to say im scared!  And I'm a little shocked that its gotten this far...  Which is all the more reason to get going on this.  There is a part of me that finds this entire experience interesting as well.  Especially since im living it.  Medically speaking of course.  Even though finances are tight and economically its rough, everything feels sound and seems some what in control.  And im in touch with a woman that does financial assistance with the American Cancer Society.  Sweet!  Amongst this onslaught of information, even thinking of ones own mortality, there is so much love and hope that I know I will be 100% at the end of this.  I feel good and I feel strong!  Im ready to kick its ass!

Oh yea, I've been listening to a shit load of Clapton!    

        

My Journey 6/21/10

   Good news comes in small packages.  I mean that in all sincerity.  Over the last 3 weeks i have gone through a Bronchoscopy and got a needle biopsy of a lymphnode just above my lungs.  The results came back negative.  Good news to here a good result.

   Unfortunately it was a little bit short lived.  I say that in the sense that there is still that spot that showed up on the PET scan.  Discussed with my doctors, we believe a better biopsy sample is in order.  So tuesday the 29, im going in for a Mediastinoscopy.  This is where they make an inch or two incision where people would have a tracheotomy, go through my wind pipe to the area where it splits into each lung.  The sample will be taken on my right side. It is located in between blood vessels and lots of nerves.  The risks include hitting a blood vessel and bleeding out which means opening my chest to stop the bleeding.  Pretty harsh for sure.  There is also the possibility of loosing some of my voice as there is a lot of nerves that contribute to my larynx.  The biopsy isn't 100%, but should give enough info on what the hot spot is and what the plan of action is going to be next.  Heres the kicker, I am hoping that the result comes back negative or another type of cancer.  If it comes back as Hodgkin's, the potentiality of a bone marrow transplant is very much a reality!  

   I get asked frequently on how im doing.  Hows my health?  Frankly im feeling really good and feel like im getting stronger by the day.  Other than no work, Im probably the happiest that I have ever been.  My relationship with Erika is amazing, Rayna and Kalina are two amazing kids, and moving into a sweet house on Baldy.  My life is pretty simple right now.  I work 3 mornings a week at the golf course, a fun new spine to skate in Frisco and doing a little Pine Beetle mitigation as it comes along.  Doing a bit of that at my parents house also as half of their trees are dead.  But being outside is very therapeutic and at the end of the day, just trying to stay active and just enjoy myself and summer.              

My Journey 6/9/10

   Yesterday was the culmination of anxiety and fear.  I went to St. Anthony's Central for a procedure called a Bronchoscopy.  The doctor and nurse numbed my nose and sinuses and put a small tube through my nostrils, into my respiratory tract and into my lungs.  They took a biopsy of my lungs and also a biopsy of the spot in my PET Scan in my chest.  I didn't feel a thing!  Granted they numbed my throat, and gave me a little Michael Jackson juice.  I even watched part of the procedure on their TV.  Little bit of a trip!  This is why I like modern medicine.  Some of the stuff they do is very fascinating.  I really felt this was non-invasive.  Dont get me wrong, I had a tube shoved into my nose and then into my lungs.  But with no pain, does it matter?  The Biopsy the doctors took in November was invasive.  A big ol' needle shoved into my right side.  And I was awake for that only under local anesthesia.  That Sucked!  I guess what im trying to say is the fear and anxiety that we experience due to the unknown can some times be unbearable.  Only after you look at the experience in hindsight, you wonder why you were so afraid...

   Went to a friends going away party at the lodge and spa and was talking to a friend and acquaintances about my Hodgkin's.  Went through the "how are you feeling", "fill me in on what's happing" questions which I dont mind.  Its actually a little therapeutic.  The conversation led to the heavy topic of Death.  One of the things that you go through is the uncanny fight with ones ego and everything that goes along with feeling ill.  For the record, I have never thought about giving up or suicide for that matter.  But I do understand why some one would want to do that.  I have too many things I want to do and places to go.  Golf to play, jet fuel to burn, but most important love to give to my family and friends.  To me, its obvious that my will to live is much greater than my will to die.  It has motivated me to get some of my life's loose ends tied up.  Regular and living Wills.  Probably just do it through Legal Zoom.  I've had a lot of soul searching time and have lost a lot of friends over the years to snowboarding, driving and drugs accidents.  Not having a clear vision after you cant make decisions is very irresponsible.  Not so much to myself, but to my family!

 I haven't gotten my results back from the lab yet as they should come at any time.  I have a pretty good idea on what is going to be the out come and im cool with it.  My fingers are crossed that it is just an abnormality or anomaly.  But I cant guarantee.  I can only go on my gut feeling.      

So I write this while waiting at a fork in the road.  Im not afraid, no mater what the result, I am prepared and ready to fight!                      

My Journey 6/4/10

   So it's been a little bit over a month since I wrote and got every one caught up.  I also wanted to say thank you for everyone's support the past 7 months.  I have been very fortunate that things have been going pretty good.  My last treatment was on April 29th and been taking it easy while enjoying my time after twelve rounds of Chemotherapy.  I went to Steamboat that first weekend with my parents, Erika and the girls and Erika's mom.  Went swimming and went up to Strawberry Hot Springs.  If you've never been there, I highly suggest that you check it out.  Played 9 holes at a course that my friend Ryan works at.  But really just spent the first week from chemo having fun and enjoying myself.  Five days of sleeping in, eating, swimming and laughing.  Erika's girls are ten and twelve and just funny as hell.     

   The next weekend went to Santa Barbara and hung out with my good friend CJ.  Played two rounds of golf.  Rancho San Marcos and La Pursima.  Both courses are absolutely amazing.  Ranchos greens were rolling around a 10-11 and La Pursima is getting there course ready for The Impossible.  The rough was brutal and cost me at least 4 strokes.  The weather could have been a little bit better, but i was just happy for a little scenery change.  I forgot how much that humidity really penetrates.  It was good to hang out with both my friends. 
   I played in a golf scramble that benefited the Little Red School House yesterday.  My Father, Uncle Deno and Andy was the team.  We tied for second shooting 13 under.  Super fun!  We played really well.  Made me want to take my golf game a little more serious.        
   I had scheduled my third PET scan on June 1st.  Needless to say, I have been waiting to hear the results from that scan.  I got a call from my oncologist last night and got the results.  There is what looks like a hot spot in my upper right chest that is most likely a infected lymph node. 

   It didn't show on the second scan, but did on the third one (the arrow is pointed to the issue).  the other dark spots is my bottom of my brain, heart, kidneys, bladder, and testies).  I am scheduled to have a biopsy on Tuesday, then we will be able to see what needs to happen next.  Worse case scenario might be a bone marrow transplant. Yea, fuck that!  The good news is there has been a hugh reduction in the amount and size of the active cells.  Im also waiting to get all three scan results to send to a distant relative and a specialist (on my sister-in-laws side) to Sao Paulo Brazil.  Time for a second opinion!  I think my Oncologist has done a good job, but I want a second and third set of eyes to look it over.
   Its safe to say that the last 24 hours has been pretty heavy.  But it doesn't compare to the last month of hanging out with my friends and family.  So thats where thats at.  Im feeling good other than this small set back.  Ill keep you posted!

                             

My Journey 5/3/10

Wow!  The last few days have been really monumental for me.  Not only have I gotten through twelve chemotherapy treatments, but fighting through it like I have nothing to loose.    I have seen just how hard cancer is on not just myself, but for family members too.  Im probably sounding a bit like a broken record, but I dont care.  My last treatment for me was a little bittersweet.  Knowing that I have to feel like shit for a week or so but knowing that it is my last.  This morning was my 1st day feeling like I have a new lease on life.  A majority of the side effects of the treatments are mostly gone.  There will be some aching from the Nulasta shot in the next few days, but all in all I'm on my way to recovery.  There are a lot of things that I want to accomplish.  My main goal is getting my heath back, and enjoy being alive!  Im looking forward to golf season and working at the golf course.  A little tree work and playing some music.  This is going to be a Great Year!

During my last treatment, there was a older lady, Maybe in her mid 70's.  She was very adamant about not carrying on with her treatments.  She had three left.  The treatment were making her more sick than the cancer.  She told Tracy
(one of the nurses) that she was done with her treatments!  Her Oncologist thought it was in her best interest to finish the 3 treatments (We have the same Oncologist).  She couldn't take it any more.  Needless to say, there was a lot of tears that day.  I understand both sides, but it is such a heavy decision.  Im not to sure what decision she decided to take but in respect, watching that choice come to head was a very difficult one to watch.  If I was in her shoes, I dont know which decision I'd make...  The constant pain of the treatment takes a toll on one's sole.  This is the second time in my life understanding why people would want to make that decision.  The first was through divorce.

On a brighter note, it is sunny today.  The last few days have been a bit of a bear.  Shitty Summit County Spring!  But Im really looking forward to spending some time outside!                    

My Journey 4/13/10

I left the gym a little bit ago and was talking to a realtor friend about his wife who I believe was diagnosed with breast cancer.  We were walking laps and sharing our stories about my experience and his with his wife.  She goes in to have her after treatment PET scan and is incredibly optimistic about the outcome.  As I am about mine!  Its reassuring to see the look on ones face when you here about their loved ones recovery from cancer.  Its a good feeling especially during such hard and stressful economic times.

One of the first times in my life, I'm feeling relatively stress free.  Don't get me wrong, my anxiety goes up before treatment.  But once they hook me up to that IV, it all goes away.  Probably the liquid Benadryl.  Fortunately, Medical Marijuana has helped with anxiety and side effect of the Chemotherapy.  Could this be a reason why I don't feel so stressed in my life?  I think so!

With that I want to touch on a political issue....I read the book "Freakonomics" by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner.  It got me thinking and asking questions about why things are the way they are...  Why is there such a bad drug war going on at the mexican border?  Its all supply and demand!  People want to smoke!  Now that 14 states that have legalized the use of MM (14 States),  it seems possible that home grown weed will slowly kill the plans of drug lords in mexico.  Fighting fire with fire!  Besides, our home grown strains are absolutely amazing!  Time will tell of course, but as more states legalize the use of MM, the better the situation will be for bordering states and potentially less crime and violence.  Lets go AZ!  Hell, even some of the money from MM taxation could go to shoring up the boarder...... which could mean job creation in the construction industry!  Do you think Medical Marijuana could help with the economic recovery?  Could it potentially help fund the health care issue?  A little food for thought!              

My Journey 3/23/10

   I spent a little time in bed last night thinking about this hole cancer deal.  What I guess seems so ironic about it is the stigma the word cancer has and what it means to people.  I'm incredibly fortunate that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Not Colon, Kidney or Prostate cancer or another nasty type of cancer where the treatment is much harsher.  A friend of the family's had a type of colon cancer where his chemotherapy treatments involved him going into the hospital for four to five days at a time every three weeks.  I go into my treatments for two and a half to three hours every two weeks.  Easy in comparison.  I completely understand why people want to give up!  Not only is it a very depressing experience, but it beats you down physically.  Being a retired professional athlete, just the thought of not being physically healthy takes a toll on the psyche.  Fortunately there have been glimmers of hope through this hole thing.  Family, friends, community (local and abroad), positive test results, and a fighting attitude make going through a serious illness tolerable.  I have three more treatments left, April 29th is my last day of treatments.  Believe me, I look forward to that day!  I dropped into the process head first with the full intention of beating my illness as fast as possible!         

   I guess there are times in life where you really realize just how fortunate you are.  This hole experience has made me realize just that!   

My Journey 3/9/10

I had a treatment this past Thursday(March 4th), and I've done a great job staying relatively healthy during the last few months.  I did finally come down with a pretty good sinus infection that has been a bit of a bear.  Where does all the snot come from?  I feel like the Mucinex snot monster!  I should buy stock in Johnson & Johnson....

Socially going through cancer sucks especially living in a resort town.  Drinking and socializing go hand in hand.  But relationships develop and evolve and certain activities aren't so important which is pretty cool since it has given me a chance to get to know my girlfriends kids......The Hodgkin's infected a majority of my liver, so alcohol hasn't been a part of my life.  In fact, I haven't drank since August while I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me.         

So I've been getting some inquires from people wanting to donate after hearing about the fundraiser at the Breckenridge Clubhouse.  I figured the easiest way was to put a PayPal link on the blog to make it as easy as possible.  Its a donation link and goes to a donation account I have with PayPal.  Believe me, it feels a little odd doing this, but I wanted to give family and friends a chance if they weren't able to make it to the party on February 16th. 

          

My Journey 3/2/10

I'm getting ready to go to my 8th treatment on Thursday (March 4) and Marc Frank sent me a link that I found pretty interesting. Its about the University of Florida testing the Brazilian Acai Berry and its effects in a cultured- cancer cell environment. Take a read, its pretty cool to read up on cancer research. news.ufl.edu/2006/01/12/berries/. Anyway, the last couple days have been strong days. I have to take a $4000 shot called Nulasta. It helps boost your white blood cells, and cancer patents take it because the chemotherapy kills white blood cells. Simply, that's one part of your immune system that gets hammered! The Nulasta helps your immune system stay strong. An unfortunate side effect is it makes your bones feel like there imploding. It lasts for about 3 days. Let me tell you about how nice Medical Marijuana is for that! Not to mention the chemotherapy..... I didn't smoke for 12 years but started because of the treatments. And living in Breckenridge really makes it a hole lot easier.

My birthday was yesterday (March 1) and I have to say it was a very good day. Went to Denver Sunday night and spent some time with my girl friend and a girl I grew up with, Cathy Cooney and her husband Brian Green. Went to a new burger joint down town called H Burger. It turns out that the executive chef is a kid I went to school with named Ian Kleinman. Check out his blog at food102.blogspot.com/. Cool modern atmosphere, good prices and a little more casual.

My Journey 2/22/10

Wow, where to begin....the PET scan! I finally got
that bastard done last Monday (feb 15th) and there was a moment that I didn't think that it was going to happen. The week before, the scanning machine was broken and I had to reschedule the following week. It turns out that there was a software issue that almost blew it again. That's the thing about cancer is the tests and machines are so complicated that when something goes wrong, it goes horably wrong . Well it turns out that after a two hour wait, and a little software updating, I was able to get the scan done and see for the first time what these treatments are doing!

I grabbed my mom and dad and went into the tech's control room to see the side by side comparison of the two images. One was before I started my chemo treatments and the other was my half way point. It was amazing to see the difference. If I could put a number on it, I would say 70-80% gone. Leaving Advanced Medical Imaging, its safe to say that all three of us broke down! I was so thankful that I was speechless.....

Tuesday the 16th was the day that friends had put together a fundraiser for me. I spent the morning getting gift certificates printed out and ready for the event. i ended up getting to the Clubhouse a little early and helped set up. around 5:30pm, people started showing up. It turns out that people had to park on Tiger Run Rd. The Fire Dept showed up and I thought that we were going to get shut down. They came for support and dinner. The RWB Fire Dept Rules! There were so many people that came, it was standing room only. Jerry Cooney did a great job doing a Live Auction. So every one knows, I was completely shocked and overwhelmed that so many people showed up. A week or so earlier, I was just hoping that people would show up. The amount of love and support was amazing and there are so many people that I want to thank. Kelly Cummings @ Burton Snowboards, Bryan Knox @ Four Square,
Bobby Meeks @ Nike, Ron Buretta @ Solid, Brad and Rian @ Bonfire, AaronDoddsPhotography, John George @ Mountain Wave, Alex Pashley @ Dragon, Matty Swanson @ Oakley, Nikki DeFord and Amy Sabreen @ Vail Resorts, CJ Covarrubias @ Powell Perelta, Mike McGill @ McGill Skateshop. Roe Schardt and Fae Reynolds, Joney Cooney and everyone that helped put the event together. Mark Burke and Jack Riley, you guys rule. All the local businesses and friends that donated there time and services during such crazy economic times. I am forever thankful! Here are a few photos from the party.......

Thursday the 18th was my 7th chemo treatment. Dr Kantor (My Oncologist) reaffirmed what we saw on the scans. You know its cool to see a doctor going around and showing the staff the progress. Needless to say it was a damn good week! Good news has been a little elusive over the past few months. This has been a good wave!

My journey 2/9/10

So, I had to reschedule again to Monday the 15th. The scanner is still down and at this point I am completely over it. I guess im going to take this as good news since I have to wait a little longer. I think its a sign that everything is going good!

My jouney with Hodgkin's Lymphomia

I'm halfway through my treatments and I go into Colorado Imagery for a PET Scan tomorrow. They inject a radioactive sugar solution into me that attaches to the cancer cells. I go through this MRI looking machine and scan scan my body. It reads the radiation comming from the mutated cells. I did one of these before I started my Chemo treatments so we have a base line to compare it to. More than anything right now, my anxiety is on high. Wish I could speed up time so I can get the results NOW! All in all, I feel good about it and optimistic that the results will come back very positive!